Questions Answered About Yesterday's Ruling

The Road to Here

Most of my friends have been together over 20 years. They are couples. Some live together. With one exception they are not married. While supporting gay marriage, they are not inclined to want to participate. They don't feel the need.

The evolution of a cause is interesting. I was at first, all in favor of using another term for marriage as long as the rights and benefits were the same. My homework revealed that "marriage" was a legal contract, not a social contract. And through the centuries marriage meant different things to different societies. For example, in the 11th century marriage was about securing an economic or political advantage. One look at the TV show The Borgias will support that notion. If you have been watching Downton Abbey, you also know that marriage could be eternally binding, and we don't mean that in a good way.  It's important to remember that in many cultures, today, marriage is a pre-arranged affair, having little to do with love.

And then Andrew Sullivan spoke up: "You can have as many debates about gay marriage as you want, and over the last 22 years of campaigning for it, I’ve had my share. You can debate theology, and the divide between church and state, the issue of procreation, the red herring of polygamy, and on and on. But what it all really comes down to is the primary institution of love. The small percentage of people who are gay or lesbian were born, as all humans are, with the capacity to love and the need to be loved. These things, above everything, are what make life worth living. And unlike every other minority, almost all of us grew up among and part of the majority, in families where the highest form of that love was between our parents in marriage. To feel you will never know that, never feel that, is to experience a deep psychic wound that takes years to recover from. It is to become psychologically homeless. Which is why, I think, the concept of “coming out” is not quite right. It should really be called “coming home.”

It changed my mind. Sullivan argued that anything less than "marriage" was to remind gays and lesbians that they were less—a simple and cogent argument.

It is a day to celebrate. If like me, you have some malcontent friends, going on about Clinton or yesterdays ruling on Voter Rights, ask them to take a break, for a day. This is historic, this is big, it doesn't happen very often and one should really be IN THE MOMENT.



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